• Laura

Forgiveness Quest

Forgiveness... in the Bible, Jesus teaches us to forgive or we won't be forgiven. That has always stuck with me. I want, more than anything to be forgiven by Him. I have a lot to be forgiven for.

I personally am quick to forgive when I've been wronged. I have that quality about myself, I am a forgiver. I don't like to hold grudges, I don't hold grudges because I learned long ago that by holding a grudge or unforgiveness, I was in essence, hurting myself. Someone wise once told me, "people either don't know they hurt you, or they know they've hurt you and don't care." Either way you slice it, it sucks! So, what's the point. We are all only given so many days to live, why live it burdened with bitterness and unforgiveness. Therefore, I try my best to forgive and move on when it comes to others but I'm not so quick to forgive, when it comes to forgiving myself.

The real ah-ha moment for me came this past May when I was out for my morning run, which was anywhere between 2-5 miles depending on how I feel on a daily. I always tell my husband Tony, "I'm just going to do a mile and come back", he knows me better than that. Somehow that mile turns into 2, then 3 and sometimes 5 miles. Anyway, I was heading back and I started thinking how I have gained 8 pounds since the quarantine began in March. That's 8 pounds added to the 10 pounds I gained since August. I credit the first 10 pounds to the new job as a middle school counselor. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just had a huge learning curve not to mention dealing with teenagers that think they hold the answers to all of life's problems in their hands and you can't convince them otherwise.

So, I was running and my knee was bothering me, I became upset with myself because I am almost 100% sure that the knee pain can be attributed to the "extra" weight I'm carrying. As I ran I concocted a plan to eat lean and get this weight off by running and exercising like a maniac. I set out determined to lose the weight I had gained and them some... then I told myself, "self, why are you so hard on yourself?" Yes, the weight is not good but these have been some trying and difficult times we are living in. Show me some forgiveness!

I've forgiven a lot in my life, I need to forgive myself! It was then that I realized it wasn't just the weight I needed to forgive myself for but for many other things that I was upset at myself for, in my life. It was that day that I thought, I'm not perfect and I need to give myself some grace.

So today, I ask you what or who are you harboring unforgiveness for? Is it someone you see daily, is it someone you don't see at all? Is that someone you? Whomever it may be, forgive and let go! Most importantly, forgive yourself first! You are unique, you are God's craftsmanship in human form. You are perfect just the way you are!

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